For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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