I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
