Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
foreskin is a definite game changer
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
