No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
