CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
