Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
