The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
