you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
