Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
