Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
