You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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