it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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