I'm drive I can fine osifer
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
