Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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