I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
