I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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