My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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