C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
