i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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