She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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