I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
