So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
