In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
