why didn't you poke me back
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
