it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
