i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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