Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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