my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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