hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize