i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
