Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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