I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Even my vagina gasped.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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