not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize