Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
