hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
