woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
