I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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