Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
