GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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