I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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