I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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