the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
