I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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