Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
