you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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