hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
