My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
