ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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