New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
