Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The power of my boobs compel you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
