I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize