I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I love black thongs
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
