Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
