Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
