Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
