Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
