its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
