We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
