i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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