Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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