She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
