My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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